Do You Believe in Ghosts?

Ghosting is the act of going silent on another person. 'Ghosters' are narcissists and don't deserve you. Ghosting is a form of emotional abuse. In the context where you are being abused physically or verbally then please feel free to ghost (and get help)

You have been talking and flirting with a certain someone and it has been more than six months of developing feelings and trust. This person tells you how special you are to them and that they want to make things work. This is what you want as well. You feel happy and content. You feel special. You now have a significant other.

Then you start to notice that this persons’ texts are getting shorter and shorter. They are taking more time to reply. The call durations are reducing and sometimes your missed calls aren't returned. We all know what this feels like. You brush it off and assume that they are just busy and haven’t had the chance to tell you. You don’t want to come off as clingy and annoying so you give it a few more days.

It has been almost a week now and you want to check just to make sure they’re fine and still alive. You dial their number and wait. It rings and rings and finally your service provider tells you that the call has ended. Once again you tell yourself that they probably were far from their phone.

You start to have a bad feeling but you keep pushing that thought away. But this thought and feeling persists. Your whole being is trying to tell you something really is wrong but you shut your mind.

It slowly dawns on you what is happening. You slowly realise that this person doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Thoughts of worthlessness race through your mind. You start to feel insecure. You think of the possibility that they could have found someone new and you couldn’t make this person happy anymore.

There is no explanation for the silence. It hits you as suddenly as heavy rains on a day when you forget your umbrella/raincoat and you spent a lot of time on your hairdo and you’re far away from any possible shelter. It is as painful as watching this video of the guy who bought the first IPhone 6 but it fell just when he had opened it, ON LIVE TV. Okay it’s more painful than watching this.

You wonder what you did to deserve this. You ask the higher powers to show you something but they all suddenly fall asleep and don’t respond to you. You feel like a wreck. You cry and blame yourself every day for not being good enough. You fall into a deep hole and sadness is what surrounds you. You’re sinking deeper because of the weight of your emotions and they hold you down when you try to climb out.

Eventually, you slowly come to terms with all these things and you put in extra effort to climb out. You work hard at it and you slowly start to see your effort paying off. Sometimes you want to give up but you keep it up. You emerge from the hole and you breathe in the fresh air, you soak up the sun and you slowly start to feel happy and safe. You feel grateful to have made it out. You don’t look back. You’re a better person now and you feel stronger. You now know not to take nonsense from anyone. You don’t think of this person anymore. It’s over now and you’re happy you made it.

Ghosting is quite traumatic. I don’t know about you but it was hell. It really blind-sides you and you can’t see where the next blow will come from. I felt alone, despite having people to talk to.

This guy died a virtual death, at least to me, and I was left there to mourn with no explanation of the 'death', no autopsy reports to show the cause. It’s like being in a new place where people are extremely mean and they speak another language. But don’t worry because eventually you’ll learn this language and you’ll know how to defend yourself. (this example was very random and I’m surprised at myself)

This has been very scary experience and to the people that ghost others, shame on you and you deserve to be put in a tank with cold water full of frogs and all things unpleasant but also thank you for making some of us know what to avoid and what to look for. Thank you for showing that staying with you would have been far much worse. Also, please feel free to stay as dead as possible🙂

*may the ghosts stay far away from you*