I turned 23 a few days ago. I am freaking out. 2018 has been crappy. There were good times. Those really good times that I hardly remember now. Despite all this, I am happy to say that I've learned some lessons. Good lessons.

The year started on a sick note. Depression followed for a while. There was a constant state of frustration and feeling stuck. I was not being as me as I should have been.
As the year ends, I look back and I see that I have come such a long way. Many of us have.

Not Everything Goes as Planned

Before 2018 started, I had expectations for how I wanted my life to unfold. Soon I was slapped hard by reality’s big spiky hand and reality showed me otherwise. “Damn. I hate this life”, I said to myself every day for more than half a year.

Things Fall into Place when you’re ready

On the bright side, you will begin to slowly see the good stuff in life, if you choose to.

Something was happening. I was inside my dark mind. It was terribly cold and there was always this deep sadness that I couldn’t comprehend. I was blinded. My ears were deafened by the eerie silence. “I’m tired of feeling this way”, I said, with teary eyes and lumps in my throat.

Slowly, light started seeping through my dark space. Seeing the bright colours, hearing beautiful sounds, breathing in fresh air… how could I have not experienced this? All this beauty was right in front of me but I chose to shut it all out. How sad.

Moving on from Heart Break is a Great Feeling

In April, I wrote about ghosting. My heart was hurting so much. Why me? It sucks, but it was my reality. I wanted to believe that I was over him. I wanted to believe. Maybe if I write something it will all go away? No, that’s not it. Maybe if I listen to my favourite music and read books and block my mind it will all go away. Nope, I still feel sad and pain.

Okay. Stop and think. What if I just let myself feel it all? Well, that seems to be doing something. Yes, this works and I feel sad but I feel better about it.

Stop blocking your feelings. Stop pretending that you feel nothing because you’re lying to yourself and it will eat you up. Instead let yourself feel it all. The good and the bad and you will feel enlightened. You’ll be a whole new person than when they left. I promise. Please note that you can’t rush it or else it will pull you back to where you started and that feels like hell.

Love yourself and Receive Love

Feel good about who you are. It’s healthy for your mind and soul. It’s only when you love yourself that you’ll be loved back. Someone is probably trying to love you but you can’t see that if you don’t have love within you. When you love yourself others will love you. It works. I’ve done it and it works. I still do and it still works perfectly. It works but you can’t rush it. Don’t rush it.

It doesn’t always have to be romantic love. Trust me when you start loving YOU people around you will treat you different. Different in a good way. You will notice the difference.
❤♐

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